The 28 True Gifts You Should Give Your Children This Christmas and Every Day That Follows
“We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”
― Franklin D. Roosevelt
When you look back on your childhood, what is it that you remember most? The presents you received, the memories of family celebrations, the way your family treated you (or you perceived they treated you), or maybe the way that you treated them?
As parents, we are responsible for preparing our children for their future by developing their independence and resilience. They have their own, unique personality that needs encouraging, but they also need boundaries to develop resilience outside of their protective family. What you model for them are values that sustain them in their adult life. This is the biggest gift any parent can give their child.
As a former School Principal, I would often reassure parents that if they held good values at home and lived by them, even if their child went off track later in life, they would likely return to the values modelled for them in childhood.
1. A Warm and Open Home - No matter what happens to your child as they grow into young adults and beyond, they need to know that home is an unconditional safe haven for them to return to (as long as they don’t take too much advantage!)
2. Asking Questions and Encouraging Curiosity - Children will always ask questions and it is your responsibility to develop their thinking and learning by facilitating their curious minds. This means never stopping a child from asking a question no matter how silly it may seem to you, and then guiding them to find the answer themselves. A child needs to know that you don’t know everything either and you have to search for answers too sometimes.
3. Celebrating Big and Little Moments - Find any reason to celebrate as a family, recognise even the smallest of accomplishments and build the pride and self-esteem of your family members, knowing everyone is equally worthy.
4. Challenge - A challenge moves a child on to their next step in learning. Too small a challenge won’t strengthen their resolve to solve future problems themselves; too large a challenge will develop a defeatist attitude. Finding the balance is the key.
5. Conscious Intention - Always consider and think about what you are doing, or not doing for your child. As adults we get caught up in our own worlds and we need to take back conscious control for the sake of our kids feeling that we listen and care. When was the last time you said something positive and meaningful to your child?
6. Creativity and Imagination - Allow your child to create and problem-solve with your guidance, but not your interruption. A good educator provides interaction but not interference. The worst thing you can do is to take over and do it for them as that will become their expectation of asking you for help.
7. Determination and Motivation - Your child will show moments of strong-will and determination to follow something through. Don’t necessarily view this behaviour as a negative. If it helps them to learn and isn’t hurting another, encourage it, don’t shut it down. This strength of purpose is important for future success in life.
8. Discipline and Boundaries - Children will not learn a lesson until they have experienced the outcome of their behaviours for themselves. They need to know that there are certain lines not to cross as it has an impact on the world and importantly others around them, but also be brave enough to take risks.
9. Eating at the table - Family meals at the table are the moment when you all come together, without the distraction of the tv or other household and work duties.
10. Empathy for Others - We want our children to know the impact they cause upon the world around them and upon others too. However, they also need guidance in recognising when they are being taken advantage of and develop assertiveness in dealing with selfish people.
11. Feeling Special - We are all special to someone and it is important for your child to know that they are special to you. We are not trying to build unrealistic narcissism by telling our children they are more special than others, however, in our home, they definitely count.
12. Giving Compliments - Honest and specific praise is the way to recognise your child and their individual abilities. You give nothing with generalised, flaky comments that are transparent and lack thought. Your children will learn to give sincere compliments to others through your modelling.
13. Hope and Faith - Hope and faith is the belief that things will improve. It forms the resilience we all need to move forward in difficult times. When your child gives up, make sure you encourage them to keep trying just past their level of low frustration tolerance.
14. Integrity through Honesty - Honesty is a crucial trait for helping the world to a better state of being. People who are dishonest will often suffer from guilt unless there is a related personality issue accompanying their behaviour. People who do wrong by another yet feel no regret have detached themselves from the good of society. Always be honest with your children unless the topic is too adult for their minds.
15. Justice, Compassion and Forgiveness - Children mostly think in right/wrong, fair/unfair extremes. If they feel something is unfair, it will be difficult to convince them otherwise with your lectures. It is best not to explain an answer to ‘Why?’ and address the behaviour with a neutral, not negative, reaction. If you don’t forgive a child’s wrongdoing and punish them personally, they will associate their shame, guilt, distrust and resentment with you.
16. Laughter and Having Fun - Laugh and have fun, not at one another’s expense but at little things, silly jokes, boardgames and tv.
17. Managing Boredom - Children need to know that they will be bored from time to time and you need to allow them the chance to find their way out of that boredom themselves. They cannot expect constant stimulation and distraction. Most parents use the great pacifiers, such as tv and digital devices to stop the nagging; however, kids need to discover other sources of creativity such as building, making, reading or exploring.
18. Mistakes are Opportunities to Learn - Allow your child to make mistakes as this is a natural part of our lives. Guide them to learn from their mistakes and find a path through feelings of upset, sadness, frustration and anger that often accompanies not getting your expected outcome, first time round.
19. New Experiences - Children must try new things to strengthen their confidence and expand their view of the world. This is currently highly promoted in education and is known as a Growth Mindset.
20. Our Personal Behaviours as a Role-Model - If you lie, cheat, steal, hurt, or display your bad habits or addictions, that is what you are modelling for your children. As the adult in the house, you can expect that your children will accept this behaviour as a norm and go on to enact the same behaviour too.
21. Parks, Playgrounds and the Great Outdoors - This is your chance to enjoy the outside world together and appreciate the living environment around you. In our modern world, digital devices are taking over the time of both adult and child life. A return to outdoors, fresh air and nature is essential for a more realistic experience of our natural heritage.
22. Peace and Non-Violent Communication - It may be difficult to control what happens in the world around you; however, you can make your home a haven for peace, where everyone learns to communicate respectfully in a non-violent way.
23. Physical Connection through Holding Hands, Hugs, a Reassuring Hand on the Shoulder, a Piggyback or Shoulder Carry, Sitting on Your Lap - For most people, a physical connection is very comforting, and this is the same for most children. By connecting physically, you are illustrating affection and love which is more powerful than any words you can offer.
24. Safety through Consistency and Routine - Children need to feel safe in order to develop their trust in adults. Disrupted routines, changeable bedtimes and systems all become too stressful for a child.
25. Seeking the Positive and Living Optimistically - If we want our children to have a positive, solution-focused view of the world, then we must show that very behaviour. In life, if you give in too easily, aren’t assertive, procrastinate, treat others poorly, are lazy or self-destructive, then that is exactly what your child will learn as acceptable in life.
26. Showing Generosity - If you are a generous soul and help others, your children will learn to care for others as well. Involve them in any charity work or sponsorship you contribute to.
27. Time and Your Attention - The greatest gift of all is giving time and recognising the presence of your child in a positive and interactive way, not as part of your work schedule. Family should always come first, and family activities should be prioritised above work.
28. Words are loaded pistols (Sartre) - We must use our language carefully around children. If they experience too much negative adult talk that is inappropriate for their young minds, these words will influence their outlook upon the world. As Mother Teresa said,
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
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