Why is Life so Hard? A Guide to Letting Go of Stress and 7 Steps to Take Control Once and For All
So, you have done everything to make sure your life is relatively calm, predictable and peaceful?
Yet unfortunately, life doesn’t seem to respect that, and you often find yourself reacting to unpredictable events and dramas.
Your plans are constantly interrupted. There are health, financial and relationship crises, and you always seem to find yourself behind the 8-ball!
Why is life so hard?
The world, it’s creatures and events are external to us and we have little control over what situations may unfold.
However, with some practice in the face of adversity and challenge, we can learn to control our own internal thoughts and feelings and how we react to life events.
For thousands of years, we have evolved under a “fight or flight” directive to keep us safe from the threat of danger.
When we perceive danger, our brains switch us into overdrive and our awareness heightens with the release of adrenaline. Our blood pressure and heartbeat rises and heightens our brain activity, increasing our ability to flee or face the threat.
The problem is that many of the threats you face are imagined and have not even occurred yet. Worrying about your boss’s, teacher’s, or partner’s reaction to something you have done or haven’t done may well raise your anxiety as you focus on the possible consequences. You can then cycle these thoughts around and around in your mind and catastrophise the imagined outcomes. The good news is that, that if you have created the thought in the first place, you also have the power to change it.
Often, we get angry, anxious and upset with others because the rules we personally follow have been broken by another person, like when someone doesn’t follow the rules in a game we are playing and seem to be getting away with it.
How to Let Go of Stress and Take Control
We can function in sudden physical and emotional chaos, and we can also step aside from overwhelm.
Learn to recognise when your anxiety is rising. Maybe your face gets hotter, you jaw gets tense, you get a swirling in your stomach.
Reflect: What physiological signs do I experience when I am stressed?
Action: When I experience one, gently soothe that area by rubbing it and consciously relaxing it and saying “let go” or a similar phrase over and over in my mind.
Learn to expect the unexpected and know that you are responsible for reacting in a positive way.
Reflect: What is the weakest feeling I often react with? Stress? Anger? Negativity?
Action: Take a deep breath and pause, smile very slightly and aim for calm as your first response. A smile breaks your personal tension. Your next response must be positive.
Recognise that your upset comes from one of your personal rules and beliefs being broken.
Reflect: What are your rigid rules and beliefs that you expect to be followed?
Action: Question your unhelpful rules. Say: “Everyone is different. I can’t expect others to behave as I do!” Realise that you are not the thought police.
See non-human events as impersonal and deal with them constructively.
Reflect: What events do I tend to take personally and get upset about?
Action: Perform one constructive act in response to the situation.
Note that human dramas are often the result of another’s reaction to their personal rules being broken.
Reflect: How have I upset somebody in the past through what I’ve said or done?
Action: When someone has become upset, listen and empathise. Try and see things from their point of view for a moment.
Instant Action: Take a moment for a deep breath or two and regain some composure by embracing the situation and bring yourself into the moment. Breathe in, and as you breathe out, let go of the tension and say: “It is as it is.”
Instant Action: Choose to let go of the situation or see the event as a call to positive action. Ask: “What can I do right now to improve the situation?”
When you don’t have control of an event, which is most of the time, you can at least try and influence it by taking control of your emotions and your reactions in response. This may vary from complete calm and letting things go “like water off a duck’s back,” or responding in a light and positive manner, or a constructive deep and logical manner.
The only way to do this is to be prepared by learning the above steps and then practice as difficult situations come up. Later, you review the event and consider what you could improve for the next inevitable event.
Life and growth come from learning. We win, we lose, and we learn from these experiences. This is what it means to have a “Growth Mindset,” rather than inflexible, rigid thinking.
Nobody is perfect, including you and me. Mistakes can be learnt from or repeated over and over. When you deeply know that we all have our faults, it becomes easier to practice letting go of what you can’t control and take positive action to influence a change for the better.
If you have enjoyed reading this blog and would like to learn more, I have two books which you may be interested in:
“Manage Your Thought and Feelings” is a workbook that teaches you how to take control of your reactions and follows the latest, most effective Cognitive-Behavioural Practices.
“Be Happy more often” has 25 lessons that will guide you to a life of optimism.
Both books are available ON SALE in my Mindful Minimalism Shop
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Thanks for reading!