The Real Art of Decluttering: Letting Go of 8 Emotionally Difficult Items
When we are in the process of decluttering, we often meet the challenge of possessions that seem too difficult to let go of. Although they receive little to no use, take up space and seem to do nothing but gather dust, we have become attached to them and that attachment has become an emotional bind.
The Reasons Why We Get Attached to Our Stuff
Objectively, we could let go of everything in our lives if we were to reach a point of complete detachment. In fact, many people are forced into this position due to natural disasters, accidents and upon death. However, while we remain living and are under no threat of disaster, we continue to hold on and protect the many possessions we have accumulated.
Beyond function and practicality, we believe each possession holds some value and this can be a difficult nut to crack. Being aware of the emotional hold of stuff over us, we can start to look over the things we own with healthier detachment.
We often believe that what we own gives us feelings of:
Comfort: Many things that we keep are for a feeling of comfort. Comfort keeps us in a state of inaction, a place where we no longer take the small and challenging risks that help us to grow in our thoughts, beliefs and experience. It can lead to a state of complacency and stagnation.
Love and Sentimentality: Some of the things we hold onto we feel we could never let go of because they were given to us out of an act of love. They hold a sentimental reminder of a person or an event. These are usually the most difficult of items of all to let go of. The issue occurs when these items prevent us from moving as we mistake them as a replacement for a person we’ve lost or the representation of the person’s feelings for us.
Perceived value: Often we continue to hold on to an item because we perceive they are worth something. You hold onto an item because you see it as an investment for the future. There are no guarantees what the future might bring for you or the economy. You could have that money right now if you let go of the item and at the same time release some physical space and the pressure of keeping the item safe.
Security: That they will protect us in a moment of need or danger. Even with every conceivable item to protect us, we are still vulnerable, and our safety is not guaranteed by the things we own.
Self-image: Most of our items reflect who we think we are or how we wish to appear to others. If we are holding onto things to impress others, then we have little faith in who we are as a person. Yes, appearances count in order to make an impression, but they should not be at the expense of our savings or to pretend to be something we are not.
Feelings are experiences that cannot be attached to inanimate objects. Feelings are the emotional energy that comes from our thoughts, memories and current experiences, not from the stuff we own.
If you feel tied to a possession, it is time to experience the process of letting go and reclaiming control over your own feelings.
Letting Go When We are Emotionally Attached
If you had the power to let go of any item with complete abandon, you might experience a liberation of your soul, the freedom that comes with being self-reliant, being detached from the physical world, where anything is possible, and experiences become more important than ownership. This is the ultimate state of becoming enlightened for many faiths.
Imagine just keeping the most functional and useful of your items and the few things you truly value. With most of the clutter gone, you will have a new appreciation for the things you own. You will locate items faster and not be overwhelmed by the clutter, time for cleaning and maintenance, and space they consume. Deciding what to wear will become a quicker experience and you will have fewer mind-numbing decisions to make.
The following items are typical emotional sticking points for decluttering:
1. Books: Some of us get attached to physical books and display them in our bookcases with pride, often to gather dust and be ignored. The trouble with books is that we usually own more than we ever read. In our modern world, we can have a vast library of books to choose from in electronic form. Consider the environment and the damaging impact of toxins through printing and the process of paper manufacture. With our transition to digital storage, fewer trees are culled. You can store your books on your smart phone and carry them everywhere. The e-ink and e-paper in new e-books make them very easy to read even in full daylight. Most now include a backlight for reading in the evening and a charge that lasts for weeks. An internet search will bring up endless free information that we seek and tutorials and videos on how to do almost anything on the planet. There are still libraries from which we can borrow physical books rather than leaving them languishing around our living space. Keep the few books that create true value in your life and donate the rest to your local library or charity for others to enjoy.
2. Clothing and personal items: Only wear and own the things that reflect who you are, suit you for their practicality or serve you best. Don’t become a slave to fashion, wearing clothes that don’t fit you, suit you, whose colours make you look ill, don’t match your personality, or reflect a fantasy rather than your true self. Always wear what plays to your strengths and not your weaknesses. If you want to be congruent in your identity, wear the clothes that reflect you the best and make you feel your best too. Get rid of all the excess and distracting clothing in your wardrobes and drawers.
3. Exercise equipment: Unless you rely upon a piece of equipment, get outside and exercise or join a gym. Exercise equipment takes up considerable space and often end up as clothing racks and awkward to clean dust collectors. Instead, use free workout routines on YouTube for bodyweight, aerobic and stretching exercise routines. Many public spaces now include a free set of fixed exercise machines, pull-up bars and stretching areas. A good bike provides you with exercise and eco-friendly travel.
4. Hobby equipment you no longer use: We often have an idea of a hobby we might be interested in but now sits in storage with no use. When we confuse who we are with the fantasy of who we might like to be, we end up spending unnecessary money on stuff we won’t use. Clear and pass on all the hobby stuff that receives no use and does not match your real interests and practices.
5. Just-in-case emergency items: Often these items are cheap to acquire when you are truly in need of them. You do not need to live in your very own convenience store, ready to take on that emergency that may or may not happen. Only keep hold of what you use within the course of a year. Anything you haven’t used for a year probably won’t see any use in the future either.
6. Souvenirs, photographs and decorations: Do we need the reminder of visiting Rome through a cheap souvenir probably not even made in Italy? Do we have many photos of scenery without any people in them? Do we have so many decorations that cleaning and maintaining them is a time-consuming experience and their numerosity obscures their aesthetic impact? We hold memories of the places we have visited, and a cheap physical representation hardly means much. Keep photos with your friends and loved ones, but not of the scenery which any quick internet search can bring up. Store your photos digitally on your laptop, tablet or on a digital photo frame. They can then be carouselled so that you can regularly see them, rather than fading, hidden in a photo album. With decorations, only keep your absolute favourites and display them with pride. If you have one decoration in each room, it will make the most impact and people will likely pay more attention to them.
7. Guilt-Spend Items: You probably have items you have paid more than you should have for and are now hardly using. You hold onto them because of their financial expense only. The fact is, the item should serve you, you should not be the servant to the item. If an item no longer serves you, sell it on or gift it to someone you know will appreciate and use it. Don’t let it waste away in a corner consuming space and evoking guilty feelings.
8. Unwanted gifts from loved ones: If you have received a gift which you only keep to please the giver, you have tied yourself to a burden. Only keep things you value for your pleasure, for its form or function. Being held to emotional ransom by your relative's gift of an itchy, ill-fitting hand-knitted jumper because you don’t want to displease them, is not worth the pain. If you get no joy from a gift, let it pass on to someone else who might. No close and loving relative wants you to hold on to something you don’t enjoy.
Possessions do not define you, how you live your life, the experiences you create and the way you communicate with others is a truer indicator of who you are.
If you would like further inspiration to declutter, please read my book “Mindful Minimalism”