Living a Crap Life? Learn the Art of Refinement with these 9 Positive Actions
Hi, I have heard so many clients and friends in the past tell me about how their life, or parts of their life are “Crap!” That’s plenty worrying!
Nobody has to live a crap life. Some people just don’t realise the power of the choices they can make. Let me show you how refining your choices will better your life exponentially in what you own and what you experience.
When you refine your sense for quality, it becomes easier to expertly manage all the fast-fashion and convenient stuff that enters your life. However, refinement is not just about things, it is also about the experiences you choose to live, and this is where your power to live more positively, is.
A refined taste is one of seeing the form and function in what you choose to own, and even more importantly, a refined taste is choosing and enjoying a pleasurable experience which often comes cheap or free. Let me delve into this a bit more.
Savouring your favourite cup of tea, choosing to eat slowly and consciously and really tasting your food, enjoying the contrast of the sun and the shade on your face as you walk through nature are all examples of refining your experiences.
Appreciation and gratitude is at the heart of refinement and positive living. When you appreciate the design and craft of an item and the function of its capabilities, it is worth keeping. When an object lays around unused and no longer appeals to your taste, it is worth passing on to someone else.
Your things do not need to be new to be enjoyed. An article I read in the BBC news, recently described the joy of someone who had a first-generation iPod and still used it every single day. I have noticed a resurgence in old steel frame racing bicycles being de-rusted, stripped back, cleaned up and reassembled and ridden as commuting bikes due to the more comfortable ride of a steel frame. I see more vintage shops where old, dark and heavy furniture is now given a new lease of life having been sanded back, tastefully re-imagined and creatively presented. You can find a piece on the street and do it up yourself. I recently came across an old Victorian school desk dumped out on the street, it just needed some “zhooshing” up. These things come free or cheap and provide just as much, if not better value, than new stuff.
Having refined taste means that you can learn to enjoy the simpler things in life by being more selective in your choices of what you spend your time doing. Popularly known as a ‘curated lifestyle,’ you are a collector of pleasant and enjoyable, simple experiences that will exist long in your memory.
9 Positive Actions to Refine your Life
Appreciate and show gratitude: Rather than wishing for more, show your sense of refinement by focusing on and appreciating what is around you. Curate your viewpoint. If you are stuck waiting for a train, find something to enjoy, people-watch or admire a form of architecture, listen to the conversations around you and the sounds of the station. Focus from the large scenes to the very smallest. Take the opportunity to read or meditate. Be curious and be interested, but don’t be dismissive. The more you appreciate the positives of your surroundings, the better your life becomes.
ACTION: Refine a moment of being bored or discontent, by focusing on one thing nearby and appreciating its beauty, craft, creation or convenience. Examine it in great detail and look at the positives.
Ditch logos and fashions: If you need to advertise your identity or status to those around you by flaunting a certain brand, then realise that you are a free advertising billboard for that particular company, Yes, you are an advertisement! Think about where the item is manufactured and at what cost before you choose to advertise and make more sales for a company by displaying their label. Children have been found working in factories that mass-produce fashion clothes. Show your sense of conscious refinement by buying ethically and sustainably instead.
ACTION: Refine what you represent by researching the ethics of one gaudy logo item that you own. Simply type in the company name followed up by “ethics criticism.” This will start you on the path of being more mindful about what you advertise to others by the logos you wear.
Enjoy the company of other people: Learn to enjoy the experience of a social situation rather than being concerned about the status, trendiness and image that you or others are presenting. Your aim is to be in the moment and respond to the very next thing that a person says. You are not there to impress someone by anticipating the conversation and then try to tell a better story than them. A good conversationalist knows that it is all about them and not about themselves.
ACTION: Refine your conversation the next time you speak with someone by listening to them for 80% of the conversation. At each mention of something new, show an interest and ask to hear more about it.
Give Money to others in need: Often, the more we earn, the more we spend to impress others. However, we can also learn to save and give to those less fortunate in their circumstances. The act of giving to others can be one of the most rewarding experiences in anyone’s life, no matter how little you give. Do you need to exhibit to other people that you earn more than them? Why do people do this? Impressing others comes from a need to be valued more, respected more and maybe seen as an authority too. It is a sign of inner discontentment and dissatisfaction from poor self-esteem. One way to improve your self-esteem and show your value is to give to people living in more difficult circumstances than yourself. If you give anonymously without wanting anything in return, you are one step away from becoming independent from outside attention and the need to impress.
ACTION: Refine your ability to give money over spending money. The next time you have the opportunity to donate to a charity, give some money, even just a very small amount.
Know yourself better and have a greater impact: Refining yourself and your choices leads to you naturally being more congruent in your personality, appearance and presentation. People around you know who you are and what to expect form you. This does not mean you have to be boring; it does not affect how creative you can be. It means that you are more trustworthy. If you are constantly changing like a chameleon, you will not be trusted as people will not be able to discern who you truly are. Be yourself and be proud.
ACTION: Refine your next encounter with someone you feel you can trust by just being yourself for a change. Don’t put on any acts or pretences. Behave as you truly are.
Live within your limits: You earn so much money and could probably find ways to earn more if you wish it. However, don’t live outside of your financial limits. If you don’t have the money, don’t spend it. There are always options to live a good lifestyle within your budget. Many things can be found for free in your neighbourhood, good quality fashions and items can be found cheap in charity stores, and healthy food can often be bought cheaper than unhealthy, packaged food. Remember, being refined in your choice does not necessarily equal expense. Often, it is the thrill of the hunt that motivates us to buy something.
ACTION: Refine your thrifty muscle the next time you are planning to spend on an item. See if you can hunt it down for at least a quarter less than the original price you expected by being more thorough in your search
Make better use of what you own for longer: It is much more difficult to enjoy the important things in life when you are constantly anticipating your next big spend on the very next version of something you already own. Technology improvements to your mobile phone or other gadget makes a difference over time, rather than with every yearly upgrade. Hold out for at least more than a year and see if you can extend your temptation for 3 to 5 years.
ACTION: Refine your choice to hold on to something you use regularly for one year longer than you planned to. Decide to use that money you’ll save for a memorable experience and choose that experience now.
Make easier decisions: When you refine what you want and enjoy, it becomes easier to make decisions as you cut out what you know will not bring you pleasure. You can begin to focus on what you know will bring you joy, rather than continually re-visiting things that you thought would but didn’t. After many years of going to clubs, I realised that I didn’t enjoy them at all. I always anticipated a fun night, but 9 times out of 10, I couldn’t have a conversation with anyone due to the noise. Although I liked a good dance, I’m a people-person and was more interested in a chat. I much preferred to meet up with people in a café, bookshop or quiet bar. This can also be applied with only keeping the clothes, books, and hobby items that you actually use regularly and enjoy.
ACTION: Refine your choice of clothes by removing everything else from your closet that no longer fits, is too worn out, is rarely ever worn or simply doesn’t suit you the best. Either donate them or store them away. You then only have a choice of what clothing suits, fits and looks best on you.
Save for celebrations: Moderation is a great indicator of refinement. When you live in moderation, special occasions hold more meaning and last longer in your memory. When you are able to indulge too much in whatever you want, you lose the thrill, enjoyment and specialness of the occasion, your senses dull as you become desensitised.
ACTION: Refine an experience by making it special. Decide not to meet any friends at a restaurant or fancy, expensive environment unless it is a special occasion. Choose to meet them in a café or park or go for a walk instead.
So the next time you find yourself struggling or bored, know that you can refine your choice for the better and take some control back over the situation you are in.
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